Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
