Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
