MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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