Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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