You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
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