then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
