She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
