Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
well most of my day revolves around power hour
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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