Cold hands, warm shart.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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