I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
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