if you like me you must not know who I am
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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