That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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