Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
