Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
