a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
