He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
