Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
