i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
