I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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