her vagine was all disorganized.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
