I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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