I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
