How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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