all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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