you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
