Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
