If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
