I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
