I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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