i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
