dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
