i think my mom watched the whole time
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize