i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
