margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
