New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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