the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My pussy is not your playground.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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