going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize