Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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