He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
