This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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