Betty ford says i'm here all night
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
