Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
