apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize