yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
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