College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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