and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
