Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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