you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
