So drunk its hurt
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
