Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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