Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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