Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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