just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize