I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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