C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
