i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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