Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
