I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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