i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
