I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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