New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
