I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
