ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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