her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
