are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
