I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
