My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
