we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
